what I'll do and how I'll do it

Alright, this is my first post. The opposite of my swan song, whatever that would be. What I'm going to do here in this lame, pitiful space is offer my unsolicited opinion on whatever I want. When I say whatever, I mean it. Movies, video games, books--these will of course be covered. But I want to get beyond that. Like different forms of precipitation. Or what spices I like in my chili. Everything will be scored on a simple 1-20 ranking, always a whole number. Like this!

Having Dark Brown Eyes:

I've wondered what it would be like to have a less mundane eye color. With my curly brown hair, I think a penetrating icy blue would really have a good effect. No one ever calls brown eyes pretty--at least not my brown, which is almost black. Someone once told me I had "shark eyes". I didn't know how to take it, but being thirteen and friendless, I took it as validation that the reason no one liked me was because they were intimidated, not because I was an insufferable shit. Apparently the lighter your eyes are the more sensitive you are to light, which I guess is why I've never really needed sunglasses, even when the sun was really bright. The only time I ever wear them is when I'm having one of my frequent (at least quarterly) bouts of conjunctivitis. Then my eyes get so sensitive that the little yellow light that indicates my Wii is on is enough to send me stumbling away goon-like, arms thrown across my eyes in a desperate attempt to shield against the torment.

Score: 14/20. I'd rather be prettier and have to wear sunglasses, which I wear anyway because they make me look cool. Kind of.


Risk:

Not one of the gimmick ones, like Lord of the Rings Risk or Star Wars Risk. Oh my god, I just found out there's a Transformers Risk. That's something I need to look into. But not right now. Right now we're talking about old-school Risk, with the Western and Eastern United States as seperate countries, and horsemen that always break and those stupid-ass mission cards no one ever uses. I've played this game all the way through about six times over the course of my life, out of probably thirty or forty attempts. Risk, being as long and repetitious as it is, is only as fun as you make it. And, simply put, the people who want to play Risk that aren't competitive pricks are a rare breed, and it's even rarer that you'll have 4-6 of them in one place with nothing to do for three hours. Or more. I have fun when I team up with someone, then find a reason for them to leave the room, then make plans to betray them. This is always at a particularly humorous point, usually when they've peppered our shared border with one-soldier armies and have begun their assault one of the other players. Once this caused a dorm-mate to quite literally lose his mind. He flipped the table over, burst out of the room, and stalked up and down the hall for a good (or bad) five minutes, screaming at the injustice. He called me "turncoat" for the rest of the term. After the treacherous payoff, though, I'm sick of the game. The dice, the little figures--it's all just a hop and a skip from tabletop gaming, isn't it? And tabletop gaming is bad business. You know it, I know it, the tabletop gamers damn sure know it. I've got my nerdy peccadillos, but that's where I draw my line.

Risk: 8/20. Boring and long, bad combination. And Kamchatka isn't a real country. It's just a peninsula.